Game of Life

Chill

2007-10-05T04:54:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, we get too caught up in the race for our own self gratification. Our neediness and desperation actually pushes that which we desire AWAY from us.

Sometimes, we just need to chill and enjoy the moment. When we realize that the present moment is perfect the way it is, we stop running after things, and instead, let them come to us.

Don't grasp, be self satusfied. Everything else will be alright.

Balance

2007-06-23T22:58:00.001+08:00

I am an avid fan of Taoist philosophy. One aspect of Taoism that I particularly adore is called Wu Wei, or Non-action. Wu Wei means letting things take their course and not forcing things. But how can we change if we don't do anything? How can we improve our lives if we just idly sit by as we get destroyed by inner and outer demons?

"Do you work, then step back." -Tao Te Ching, chapter Nine

Back in the days, I was extremely enthused about this non-action thing. I was so into it, that I would "try to not try." Obviously, this is an oxymoron because if I tried to not try, that means I'm still trying. It's sorta like being cool- you can't be cool if you try to be cool, because being cool means not trying.

Same thing with "being in the moment." I was really into all the "being in the Now" philosophy, but simply by TRYING to be "in the moment," I've lost the moment.

So whats a man to do?

"Do your work, then step back."

Heres what I do nowadays. For example, if I want to feel more confident before a speech, I don't just keep on repeating the mantra "I am confident" a million times in my head on stage, over and over again - that simply requires way too much effort, and will probably backfire. Before I go on stage, I will just imagine myself vividly being confident, giving a stunning speech, and really evoking those confident feelings. Then, maybe I'll say the words "I am confident" once, and then, I just jump on stage and let my body take over. And when I get out there, I'm just on autopilot. It's almost like I drown out the voices in my head with the positive visualizations. My conscious mind goes "Hey! This guy's feeling confident. I guess my job here is done- I'll just let the subconscious take over now." And before I know it, I'm not trying without even trying to! =D

So whats the magic recipe?

1) Visualize yourself feeling the emotions you want to feel BEFORE the event (or as soon as possible).

2) Let go, and just allow your body to take over. And remember to enjoy the ride!

"If only I can get this handled"

2007-06-18T23:37:00.000+08:00

I'm under the impression now that no matter where in life we are, there will ALWAYS be hurdles. There will always be "problems."

It is a common human folly to think "If only I can get this ONE thing handled, my life would be perfect."

It ain't gonna happen! When you finally DO get that one thing handled, you'll magically find another thing to busy ourselves with, another hurdle to jump. It's almost like we say to ourselves "this can't be right, it's is getting too easy. Let's find ourselves a problem to spice things up!"

Now, I read about all this ages ago- enjoy the moment, don't look for salvation in the future, etc- but it never truly hit me. I honestly believed that if I could get this ONE thing sorted, I would be happy! But after being let down time and time again, I guess I can no longer delude myself like this.

Happiness doesn't need a reason! We must be happy now, or never! Life will never be perfect! There will always be things that can make us frown- but it doesn't mean we have to.

Problems are only problems if we view them as such. And if it truly is something you want to change, then don't let it get in the way of your happiness.

Be interested

2007-06-16T15:17:00.000+08:00

One of the first laws of human interactions is "Be interested." People enjoy talking with people who are interested in what they have to say. And besides, it's 100 times more fun for YOU if you are genuinely interested in the conversation.

But "be interested" can be a piece of advice that can be taken the wrong way and keeps you stuck. So lets say you walk up to a botanist, and you ask him for a bit of gardening advice. He's obviously very excited to talk to you about it, seeing how interested you are in what he has to say. You ask him technical questions about how to keep weed away from your garden, which flowers are most resilient, etc. But after 15 minutes of him talking about plants and grass, the conversation doesn't really seem to...go anywhere. You both may have had a great time chatting, but its unlikely you'll exchange numbers and agree to met up some other time for a drink. There just wasn't much connection.

Why? Because you were only interested in the TOPIC. You were only interested in the TOPIC of gardening, without being interested in HIM. When the guru's of gab tells us to "be interested," we must be interested not only in the topic, but also be interested in the person himself! So if you were talking about gardening, don't just talk about dry facts and technical stuff, ask about him! His OPINION on which flower is his favorite and why, the FEELING of satisfaction he gets when tending a garden, the hardships he had to go through setting up his gardening company!

Be interested in other peoples human-ness as well as the facts and knowledge that they know. It'll make all the difference!

Musings

2007-06-09T12:54:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, I think the universe is trying to help me succeed and is not allowing me to fail. It tries very hard to nudge me in the right direction, and provides for me like a loving parent. It seems like the only thing stopping me is...myself.

Things just seem to fall on my lap, as a gift from above. Luck, wealth and good fortune are abundant in my life, but it feels like something within me is blocking me. It's as if theres a voice within me that says "Don't be silly, you don't deserve this, you aren't good enough to handle all this wealth. Be afraid, for you may lose it all tomorrow."

Why do I have those thoughts? I do not know. Maybe I am too fragile, too prone to emotional ups and downs, thereby causing great fear that I may be toppled by the slightest gust. Its very conflicting- on one hand, theres a part of me that knows and feels that I can handle anything that comes to me, and yet, theres another part that is fearful and scared.

I fear, I worry, I fret, and yet, things still turns out beautifully. Not a single ounce of that fear has benefited me in any way.

Today, I dedicate myself to drop my fears. I will not fight them, for that which is opposed grows. Instead, I look on my fear, understand that no matter what happens, I can handle it. Then I will drop it. It will gain no more power over me! I am in control of myself!

Our greatest gift, and our biggest burden

2007-06-07T19:35:00.000+08:00

Our imagination.

Imagine for a moment, that you had no imagination (oxymoron, I know). Would you be able to feel fear? After all, isn't fear just a reaction to the undesirable mental images we have in our heads created by our imagination? Would you feel jealousy? After all, it is not the text messages on your girlfriends phone that makes your heart heavy- it's what those text messages could mean. And that meaning is created by the imagination.

But, our imagination is also our greatest strength. We are able to invent, create and build wonders of mankind only because of our imagination. We can run simulations in our heads that better prepares us for the future. And we can shape our thoughts, beliefs and lives, with our imagination.

Eastern sages have told us to quiet our minds and in effect, turn off the giant simulation machine that is our imagination. I think thats a good idea, and possible up to a certain point for us laypeople, but unless we want to be a hermit and spend many years our lives dedicated to meditation, it is not the best solution. Instead, if we can't turn off the simulation, then why not use it to imagine something that would benefit us instead of harm us?

If we can't turn off the machine, then at least point it in the direction that would bring us joy, instead of using it for self torture. What does this mean in practical terms?

Picture happy, positive, joyful things! Now, what I mean by this isn't to imagine you're some kinda billionaire off on a Hawaiian island. That would merely be self delusion and escapism. It is no virtue to escape from a life of inadequacy and fear, into an imaginary life of paradise. We have no absolute control of the things around us, but one thing we do have power over is our thoughts, over our emotions.

So instead of picturing external wealth, picture internal wealth. See yourself standing tall, radiating light and smiling at life. Picture yourself at peace, with love radiating from your heart, living without fear. And as you imagine these things, feel in yourself those same emotions. Feel the happiness welling up from your chest! Feel your lips curve upwards into a beautiful, joyful smile!

Imagine it as if it were true, and it shall be so. Never again will you succumb to imaginary shadows lurking in your mind, for you are their master. And you will transform them, into your loving, loyal guardian angels.

How to build unbreakable Self esteem

2007-05-24T13:32:00.001+08:00

What is self esteem? It's our belief in our overall abilities to deal with life. It's how we see ourselves handling obstacles. Self esteem is the answer we give to the question "Can I be happy?"

Low self esteem is "I can't be happy."
Good self esteem is "I have the ability to make myself happy."

The future is unpredictable, full of surprises and shocks. We'll never know if things turn out right tomorrow, if we can be satisfied and happy later...or can we? Are we really forced to live everyday in fear about the morrow? Theres so much to be worried and scared about: Can I pay my rent? Will I finish this project in time? Will my friends ditch me? But is that what we are REALLY afraid of? No.

Our only TRUE fear in life is "I can't handle it." That is the original fear from which all other fears arise from. "Will my friend ditch me?" is really "Can I handle my friends ditching me?" We don't actually fear our friends ditching us- we merely fear the emotions that rise up within us when our friends ditch us.

But lets take a step back for a moment and look at the bigger picture- is there truly something we "can't handle?" Go on, give me a situation where you "can't handle" it. At the end of the day, is there such a thing?! Whatever happens, we'll handle it! We deal with it! Even death- how is it possible for us to not be able to handle death? We'd already be dead!

With this realization comes IMMENSE freedom. If all our fears are based on "I can't handle it," and we realize that we CAN handle it... does that not mean we lose all our fears?

YES!!! What an immense relief! Can't you feel a huge burden lifted off your back? Do you not feel your self esteem rise up from the bottom of your chest? We are pretty much Invincible! You can handle WHATEVER the universe throws at you.

Every time you feel hesitant, you feel your chest tightening, say to yourself "I can handle it!" and jump into action! Whenever you're worried or anxious, realize that "I can handle it" and watch those worries dissipate right before your eyes. When your landlord kicks you out for not paying the rent, look back with your head held high, smile at the old man and say "I'll handle it!"

Because in the end, there is nothing we can't handle.

The bigger picture

2007-05-01T11:43:00.000+08:00

At the "micro" level, we have many many things to be worried about.

Can I pay the rent?
Does my date like me?
What do my parents think of me?
Can I finish this project before the deadline?

But really, if you take a step back, those worries aren't really the "problem" at all! If we take a step back to the "macro" level, the problem is... us!

This morning, I woke up worrying about my girlfriend. I spent half an hour spinning and churning in my bed, marinating myself in worry and negative thoughts. Then, I stopped, and asked myself- where is all this anxiety leading me? Is my girlfriend REALLY the problem? And the answer of course is no! The problem is that I take my thoughts too seriously!

Imagine yourself as an amnesiac- you only remember stuff that happened 5 minutes ago. Then, imagine your wife just divorced you. Sure, you would cry, whine, and possibly contemplate suicide. But what would happen after 5 minutes? You wouldn't even remember what had happened! You would probably walk into your living room to turn on the TV, as if it were any other Sunday evening.

In truth, has anything changed?

Ponder on this: I live for 25 years single, and one day, I get married. 5 years later, I divorce. Objectively, my life situation before and after my marriage is EXACTLY the same! Same house, same friends, same job, same hobbies. And yet, I would probably check into therapy after a divorce. Why? Because of relativity- I'm comparing myself NOW (after divorce) and a few months back (pre-divorce). But really, what is there to be unhappy about? I'm fed, I'm clothed, I'm employed, I have my buddies, my house, my car....

At the root of it all, is no greater creator of suffering than ourselves. More specifically, there is no greater creator of suffering than our thoughts. Sure, we can try to calm our thoughts down, so they don't pop up in the first place- but that will take many years of Zen training. So for now, just be more aware of our thoughts, and don't take them so seriously. After all, thoughts are just thoughts.

Say em' out loud

2007-04-29T22:23:00.000+08:00

Today, I found that something really strange happens when I speak my thoughts out loud to myself.

I laugh.

I laugh at how silly the voice inside my voice is.

When you speak to yourself in your head, it sounds like the voice of God- almighty, all knowing and all powerful. But only when we say our thoughts out loud do we realize how utterly STUPID that voice is. It is totally childish, utterly irrational and painfully egocentric (not to mention petty). The problem is that we aren't aware enough of our thoughts if they stay inside our heads- we're just used to accepting whatever it says. But if we say it out loud, we have to do a bit more thinking, a bit more reasoning, and hopefully, break its spell of ignorance.

So seriously, try it out. Speak out your thoughts to yourself. If you feel a bit silly doing that, then just be relly really REALLY aware of our own thoughts.

Prepare to be dazzled.

Take it easy

2007-04-24T17:22:00.000+08:00

"In the world of knowledge, every day something new is added. In pursuit of the Tao, every day something is let go." -Lao Tzu

It seems that lately, the deeper I get into spiritual stuff, the more unhappy I get. The more I learn, the more confused I get, the greater the burden I feel. I have adopted the "ideals" of spirituality- such as the Buddhist "ideal" of non-attachment. Thus, whenever I am attached, not only do I suffer from the attachment itself, but also from not living up to my "ideal" of a non-attached uber monk. I beat myself up for not being perfect.

But in truth, there is nothing to learn, nothing to grasp. I need to start LIVING my life, instead of being a perfectionist about it, and tiptoeing around any form of pain or suffering. We cannot gain enlightenment by picturing an image of an enlightened person in our minds, and forcing ourselves to conform to that image. In fact, by TALKING about enlightenment, we are moving away from it. In the end, there IS no enlightenment.

Stop being a perfectionist! It's nice to be idealistic and theoretical with all this, but in the end, our ideals don't count for shit.

Just Live!!!

Jump!

2007-04-05T22:28:00.000+08:00

You see Michael Jackson talking to a young boy- "he's molesting him!" is the first thought that comes to mind.

You see a guy in rags sneakily taking a bottle of whiskey off the rack- "he's nicking that!" is what you're thinking.

Are you right? Perhaps. But perhaps not. We human beings have the unhealthy habit of making hasty assumptions about things, and for the most part, we don't question these beliefs we create! We see our girlfriend chatting with another guy and we JUMP to the conclusion that she's cheating. Or someone rejects you and you JUMP to the conclusion that everyone will reject you in the future. When we hit a little turbulence, we jump to our own conclusion by creating a little mental video of the plane going up in flames and everyone dying a fiery death. What the heck?!?! And the worst part is, we BELIEVE these mental video's we create!

I've read that the subconscious mind can't really tell the difference between reality and a mental movie. I don't know if this is true or not, but I can certainly say that I react to my mental movies almost as strongly as towards reality. And only after typing that out do I realize how sad I am... =P

Come ON! Be a real person and live a REAL life! Not the stupid little matrix life in your head that you create! You know what assume stands for?

ass-u-me

Lame, I know, but it gets the point across.

Labels

2007-04-04T13:09:00.000+08:00

"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." -Shakespeare

Taoism stresses the point that nothing in this world should be labeled good or bad- things are just the way they are. But is it actually possible for us to develop such great equanimity and not judge things or events in our lives? Pain doesn't feel good, so is it not natural for us to label pain as "bad?" Perhaps, but pain also serves a purpose- it helps us out of danger and prevents us from sustaining further injuries. Is that not a "good" thing?

The point is, things are too complicated and dynamic to be judged by a static label of good or bad.

"A beautiful woman is an object of desire for the seductor, a distraction for the monk, and a meal for the wolf."

Don't bother labellings things, just enjoy them now- for tomorrow, it may be gone.

Freedom

2007-03-30T00:46:00.000+08:00

Nothing in this world can provide you lasting happiness and peace except yourself. But as long as you cling onto something in the hopes that it will provide you with happiness, you are a prisoner to the outside world.

Today, it finally clicked for me. For so long, I have been looking to a girlfriend to bring me happiness and joy. But when I finally got a girlfriend, I was still no much happier than before (if anything, it has brought me more depressing moments). Only today, when I reflect back, do I realize that the thing I was was searching for to bring me joy has instead brought me pain. THAT is when I asked myself: why am I still clinging to something that is bringing me pain? It's as silly as holding on to a burning piece of charcoal. Let go!

In truth, if I hadn't been so attached to my girlfriend, I would never have experienced those depressing moments. EVERY SINGLE REASON why I was sad can be traced back to my clinginess.

So in the end, I guess there WAS a silver lining in the cloud- it was my pain that opened my heart to the realization that to cling is to die.

Let go, and flow...

My little maze

2007-03-25T17:56:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, I feel like a blind little mice running around in my maze looking for the cheese...instead of looking for a way out.

I'm putting my focus on the wrong things! Now, I'm not saying I know what the RIGHT things to focus on are, but I know for darn sure THIS isn't it!

Some people look to money for happiness, others look for it in sex, some even look for it in drugs. Only now do I see that what I've been directing my life towards in the past few years isn't right for me- I couldn't find happiness in the place I sought. Actually, I take that back, I found happiness- fleeting glimpses of happiness.

I've heard this piece of advice many times in the past, but only when I was in midst of pain and anguish did I truly take it to heart- "Nothing without can provide lasting happiness."

Only I can give myself lasting happiness. But instead, I sought for it in approval from others. I wanted to be loved, liked and adored. Somehow, I thought this would give me lasting peace and joy. Instead, it's provided me 99 parts of pain to 1 part of shallow pleasure (if even that!)

We must all let go of our expectations and hopes that something on the "outside" will ever fulfill us and make us complete. We must first find peace within ourselves- then we can participate in finding external joys as the icing on our cake.

"Lofty Ideals"

2007-03-22T22:49:00.000+08:00

We all live our lives with many expectations. And for most Americanized people, our greatest expectations are in the areas of love and relationships. We expect our partners to provide for us socially, sexually, emotionally, financially, etc.

But why? Where did these expectations come from? For me, they probably came from movies, TV, and the media in general. The message seems to be "find 'the one,' and your life will be complete."

But to be truly happy, we cannot "expect" anything from anyone. To do so would be to suffer. Inevitably, people will not be able to live up to our expectations- no one is perfect. And if they actually did, we'd simply make MORE expectations for them to live up to! Throw out your "lofty ideals!" Chances are, these ideals were simply spoon fed to you by the general culture and media.

Any "my partner SHOULD do this or be that" needs to be thrown out. Enjoy them for who they are! Any "My girlfriend should buy me a present for my birthday," or "my boyfriend should kiss me goodbye," or even "my boyfriend shouldn't cheat," should be demolished! These are simply lofty ideals that have no positive purpose towards happiness nor love.

Expect nothing, and enjoy the moment.

Are we spoiled?

2007-03-20T17:30:00.000+08:00

I live in a solid, comfy apartment, with my entire family still alive and fit. I have good warm clothes not only on my back, but also in my closet. My weekly pocket money exceeds the monthly salary of many impoverished people, and I am not currently dying of starvation nor malnutrition.

In short, my life is good.

But at times, I still find myself complaining and sulking about my life. Talk about ungrateful!

But I'm sure I'm not the only one out there with this problem. Many of us complaining, many of us wish SOMETHING was different- be it something life threatening like having more food, or something insignificant such as wanting a bigger TV. Very few of us are truly satisfied with our lives.

But truly- can we ever be satisfied? The answer is yes. But the path towards satisfaction isn't getting more stuff, but changing our perspectives. Unless your current "problem" is life threatening, then changing our perspective is the only true way to gain peace and happiness.

It is my feeling that in life, there will always be something for us to complain about- broken sinks, noisy neighbors, sand in our shoes- but that doesn't mean we have to complain. Complaining is a CHOICE! If the sink is broken, you don't have to sulk, whine or get all upset over it! Either let it be, or get it fixed! Why ruin your day by getting all negative about it? The sink is broken- no amount of negative emotions will fix that. Just get on with it!

Life is full of funny surprises and potholes- it doesn't get easier with time. Only you do- so go easy on yourself.

Lack of perspective

2007-03-12T19:33:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, helping others find their way out of depression is a great cure for our own miseries. And one of the most common things running through my head after listening to people explain their depressions is "You're getting all upset just for THIS?!?!"

Not to say their worries are unimportant or anything...but really! Is it really worth getting all upset over it? I think people who have had near death experiences come out much happier and peaceful precisely because of this. They know it CAN be worst. They know that the problem in front of them now is insignificant and unimportant. A story I once heard (and love):

A son of an FBI agent once got into a little trouble with the bank, and is unable to pay back his loans. He was dipping in and out of depression for weeks, and finally called his dad for some advice.

"Dad...I don't know what to do. I'm screwed!"
"Son, is anyone going to come and kill you?"
"Well, no."
"Then you have nothing to worry about."

Step back a little bit! Very rarely is the problem in front of us as big as we think it is. In fact, most of the time, it really isn't a problem at all!

So the next time you find yourself getting upset over something, ask yourself "Is anyone going to kill you?" If not, then get on with it!

Kill the mental chatter

2007-03-09T21:42:00.000+08:00

When talking with someone, the most important thing we want is to be listened. So theres nothing as difficult as talking to someone who isn't truly listening- their minds are either floating around in a daydream, or they're just itching for their turn to speak, or they're too worried about their self-image to be truly paying attention to you.

If someone doesn't really want to listen, then there isn't much you can do. But we can all strive to be good listener ourselves! But too often, I find myself falling into one of the three traps mentioned above- I'm either not interested in what their saying and start daydreaming, or I'm TOO interested in the subject and want to contribute without really listening to the other person, or I'm simply too nervous or self conscious to be truly taking in whats coming out of the other persons mouth. So what can I do about this? Be mindful.

Basically, just listen- that is all. Don't think or judge or label, just listen to what the other person is saying and take it all in. Quiet yourself so the other persons voice can enter the space created in your mind. It doesn't matter if you throw the empire state building into the ocean if theres a massive storm- but if the water is still, even a tiny pebble will create ripples that are far reaching.

When I realize I'm not paying attention, I find it extremely helpful to just breath in deeply, and put a little smile on my face. It immediately puts me back into the present moment, and allows me to truly listen and "be there."

Ultimately, this takes quite a bit of practice as most of us are used to having a running commentary inside our heads going 24/7. But I assure you, if you master this skill, not only will the people around you love you for truly listening to them- you'll also find yourself enjoying the company of others much much more. Never again will you be in a boring conversation!

Good luck!

Antidote for Depression

2007-02-07T19:21:00.000+08:00

It happens to us all. Life seems rosy one day, and bam! The next day, life seems hopeless and bleak.

I don't think I need to go on about how shitty depression can feel- it's a place none of us want to be. But surely, there must be a way out? Some people get so depressed that they decide to take their own lives, but a select few turn round 180 and go on to lead extremely succesful and joyful lives. So depression isn't the "endless, hopeless pit" that it seems to be...there is a cure. Having read a lot of Spiritual and self help books, my antidote involves a mix of buddhist meditations and modern cognitive psychological techniques. I think it'll be useful for many people out there.

1) Awareness- for us to cure depression, we must be aware that we are depressed. Obviously, we can "feel" it in our guts that something isn't quite right, something really SUCKS! But if we aren't consciously aware that we are in a state of depression, we will do nothing to get out of it. We will just accept our feelings of shittiness as part of life. So the first stage is just looking at our body and truly "feeling" the depression. Look at your "depression" from a distance, like a Grandpa looking on at his children running in the playground. Can you locate your depression? Where is your "depression" in your body? How does it feel? How heavy is it? Don't give it energy by thinking about it or fueling it, just simply look at it.

I believe this "looking at our depression" is such a great cure for many reasons. Firstly, the cause of depression can be summed up in that we focus all our energies in looking at the negative situations in our lives (whether true or imagined). By simply looking at our depression, we aren't focused on the things that are MAKING us depressed, and instead focusing on our actual feelings, thereby changing our focus and killing depression. Although when first starting out on this practice, it may be difficult to keep our attention focused on the feelings of depression itself, and will float back to thinking about our negative situation. When this happens, don't get angry with yourself, but gently focus back on "looking at your depression."
The second reason why this method works so effectively is that in reality, depression isn't real. We try to"find" our depression and realise, it is nowhere to be found! It doesn't really exist! It's just a mental fabrication! "Depression" isn't some solid entity in your body like a cancer- it is purely psychological. Obviously, when you're in the midst of depression, it feels very much real and solid. But look deeper and you realise that ultimately, depression is just a feeling- and feelings don't have any solid grounding. They can change in an instant.

2) Positive imagery- much has been written about "positive imagery" or "positive self talk." At the core, positive imagery involves imagining yourself in your PERFECT life, with your perfect job, your perfect house, your perfect mate, etc. The theory behind this is that if you imagine all this goodness in your mind- you will think that it is real, and therefore, remove your depression. Sounds all very cheery, and I have no doubts about its effectiveness. But at the core, I feel like that's just escapism and self-delusion. Its almost one step away from psychosis. Although it cures the depression, I don't feel like it's a long lasting cure. So instead of imagining yourself in your perfect life SITUATION, imagine yourself feeling the perfect feelings.

Picture yourself in front of you with a huge, joyful smile. You are standing tall and proud, without a single worry in the world. Every step you take exudes positivity and life. You are RADIATING energy and love. Basically, imagine yourself happy.

The difference between the two is subtle, but profound. In the first method, you are imaging your life SITUATION- ie. the world around you- to be perfect. In truth, it isn't (and it never will be), so you're just escaping into your own little self-made delusional world. But in the second method, we are imagining your FEELINGS to be different. You are changing the way you feel, which is much more malleable and ultimately, under your control. And in the end, isn't that what we're trying to change? The way we feel? So this method cuts right to the heart of things and changes our feelings of depression.

Once again, this method is extremely effective for many reasons. Firstly, it shifts our focus and thoughts away from the things which are CAUSING our depression, so the depression itself shrivels. Secondly, by imagining ourselves feeling great, some of that joyfulness will rub off onto us. It is impossible to imagine someone being happy without actually FEELING some of this happiness yourself. And the fact that this someone is YOU makes it all the more likely for your to feel the joy. And thirdly, the self fulfilling prophecy mechanism comes into play. We see an image of ourselves being happy- and since science has proven that our subconscious cannot truly tell the difference between what is real or imagined- our subconscious mind goes "hey, this image tells me I should be happy now. So let me just make a few adjustments here and there...and voila! Insta-happiness!"

Although these methods may seem simple and at times, downright silly, I assure you- they are extremely effective. The only final word of advice I can give you is to breathe deeply and naturally when performing the two "antidotes." Other than that, good luck!

Inner quietness

2007-01-25T21:41:00.000+08:00

Lately, (perhaps due to my newfound practice of meditation?) I've found a space of inner quietness within me that I previously did not see, nor feel.

It almost feels like a light radiating from my chest, engulfing me with a sense of absolute peace and serenity. It feels absolutely...quiet.

After all these years of mental chatter and internal turbulance, it feels like I've finally found a place of rest in this inner space. I feel no need to seek for validation, because strangely, it feels like I'm being validated, loved and accepted by this inner "being" within me- I guess this is what they mean by self validation. I have a much more unattached view towards the world, and yet, I can sit in my room, staring out the window, marvelling at the absolute beauty of the world. I feel like I can better deal with the blows and hard knocks life may deal me, because I have this infinite well of peace, serenity and wealth I can draw from.

Shit happens, but I don't really care (well, at least not as much as I used to). I just view everything like Grandpa watching his grandchildren play in the playgound- smiling, but unattached. It almost feels like I'm watching myself in a dream, not attached to myself because I know nothing is real, and I can "wake up" if the dream turns sour.

I read back on what I just wrote, and it sounds like the words of a schizophrenic, but this is how I feel right now! I wish there was a better way to convey what I'm trying to say...maybe later. For now, just take deep breaths, and try to feel this "inner being" within you.

Peace.

Great post by Troy on youth

2007-01-13T15:05:00.000+08:00

"What you HAD THAT IS STILL IN YOU: YOUR CHILD-LIKE ESSENCE

Remember, when you were an innocent kid with no care in the world, what were your attributes?

a) You Approached People without Fear and Said What you Wanted to Say

I can remember talking to everybody wheni was a kid! Even until now i still remembermy little nephew coming up to girls, guys, whoever. When i was in a plane, i loved to walk around and talk to the flight attendants in the galley. When i had my 6th Bday in France it was hosted by an Uncle who had a Toupe and i told him "Uncle, your hair looks so fake" :w00t: I remember being loud with girls in the playground and i loved making friends. My line was "hey i like you, youre my new friend"

b) You were persistent

Mom said dont take cookies from the jar? We never took NO for an answer. We persisted, tried different methods..."Please ma!" NO! "Oh cmon. (fakes crying)" NO! "maaaaaa....." NO! "Just one, promise..." WELL, OKAY BUT JUST ONE!

c) You had your own world

I remember clearly when i was a kid and the WWE (then called WWF) had big names like Hogan. I'd dress up in my long socks and had made up elbow pads and sh*t. I also remember acting out darth vader by using a blanket as my cape. All im saying is that i had my own bubble, and i never had a care in the world.

d) You were curious

You saw things and people as unchartered territory that you had to explore. You were naturally curious. You chatted up people because you understood that theres something about them you dont know, and that youd like to find out.

e) You Actually SMILED AND LAUGHED MORE

f) You were a RISK TAKER

If you saw a little 2 meter ditch in the ground, you'd probably jump it.....with your BIKE:w00t: Screw the distance, it looks cool so lemme try it...moments later youre crying in pain but heck, you still did it!

Awesome, awesome attributes eh?

BUT GUESS WHAT

Maybe during your childhood, RULES CAME INTO PLAY. Suddenly there are all these authority figures telling you what you can and cant do. Your child like essence is starting to get covered up.

To protect yourself from harm, danger, fear, and embarrassment, (maybe in primary school) You become a rule-follower. You start playing life by OTHERS' Rules and not your own.

It gets worse.

You get into more things to protect yourself. you cover yourself up with external things to increase your value (maybe cars, clothing, lifestyle stuff). nothing wrong with that, but the more layers pile up on your child-like essence, the more disconnected you are...youre starting to find it difficult to approach people and you think its actually weird or unnatural. Maybe you become the guy who just goes about his day and not smiling. You become more successful in other areas of your life and rejection is not an option. It is painful to you.

You stop being persistent and start sabotaging some of your plans. "Its not worth it" you say. "I'd rather play safe than take a risk"

You start to live in other people's worlds. And try to accomplish success based on OTHER's standards. You start watching reality TV and wish that you were that person. You focus more on what you dont have as opposed to appreciating what you have now.

You stop being naturally curious and assume and pre-judge people even before you meet them. You probably engage in gossip in the office. You see a girl and automatically you think of 100 things about her that you havent actually proven. So guess what youre not gonna talk to her and youre gonna go about your day.
Since when did this happen?

THIS IS YOUR EGO

Years and years of piled up layers that cover up your child-like essence. Imagine a chocolate-covered peanut. Its the product of what the world imposed to you, as well as pre-judging others.

You have to get rid of it. how? Just remember your Child-like Essence (I just described on the first part of this article) and live that way. Strip layers of your ego down.Its not too late and im sure you guys can clearly remember what that was like. (Some exceptions though if you had a really rough childhood, i can understand that). I live my life this way personally and its taken me to heights that i previously would have never dreamt possible.

Good Luck,

Troy "

Cheese on crackers

2007-01-12T19:35:00.000+08:00

When I came home today, I was feeling a bit peckish so I made myself some cheese on crackers. Nothing special, right?

Perhaps.

But I've never enjoyed myself so much eating those simple crackers. Was it because I was extra hungry? Maybe. Was the cheese extra good quality? Were my taste buds extra sensitive after doing exercise? I don't know. But one of the things that may have had to do with it was my mindfulness.

After reading Thich Nhat Hanh's "Peace is Every Step," I was made aware of how unaware we normally are in our day to day existence. When I normally eat my crackers, I am only putting 20-30% of my mind on them. The rest of my mind is preoccupied with thoughts about the past, the future, the itch on my back...anything BUT the crackers. So today, I made a deliberate attempt to focus on my crackers, to focus on their texture in my mouth, to focus on the sensations on my tongue... it was amazing. I actually thought right there on the spot "this pleasure must rival that of sex!" It was that amazing! I was getting turned on by my crackers!

From today onwards, I will try and bring more mindfulness into my daily activities, into myself, and into my environment. I will be more aware and truly EXPERIENCE life instead of just zombie-ing through it. This will be tough (amazingly, it's harder than it sounds to be constantly aware and awake), but the process will be an enjoyable one, so this should be fun.

On Jealousy

2007-01-08T19:29:00.000+08:00

This is a topic very close to my heart, and in some respects, something that I fear. But alas, the less I want to discuss something, the more reason for me to blog about it. Thanks to 'Ubron' for asking me to post something on jealousy in relationships, and therefore breaking me out of my shell of ego-preservation.

We've all felt pangs of jealousy in our lives. Whether it be the jealousy of hearing a porsche roar besides you whilst sitting in your humble toyota, or seeing a friend partying it out on the dance floor whilst you sit in the dark corner alone. But these types of jealousy are weak and insignificant when compared to the jealousy experienced in a relationship. There's an added dimension to jealousy experienced in a relationship.

The basic jealousy stems from the fact that we feel bitter when someone else is better off than us. It is not simply the desire to ACQUIRE a porsche ourselves, but when we are jealous, we feel slight hatred or at least discomfort towards the person we are jealous of. In other words, seeing a porsche in a show room doesn't make us jealous- but seeing our brother in law in that very same porsche with a huge cheesy grin on his face does.

But in a relationship, not only do we experience this "basic" jealousy, but this jealousy is blended with it the emotion of fear- this makes it all the more painful and hard to deal with. When, for example, your girlfriend flirts with another guy, not only are you "jealous" that they seem to be enjoying themselves (they seem better off than you- you feel you should be part of the fun as well!), but you also feel a fear- a fear of "losing" your girlfriend to some random shmuck in a bar.

This shouldn't be revolutionary- theres nothing I'm telling you that you don't already know. But the point I'm making is this- that horrible emotion when your girlfriend is chatting up another guy? That isn't just jealousy, no. That's jealousy blended with FEAR.

Jealousy in itself is pretty easy to deal with. When we get to the base of it, jealousy is "unhappiness in seeing others happy." When we see the stupidity of that, jealousy dissapears. I haven't been jealous in quite a while, and its been great for me. Sometimes, I wished I had XYZ, but what I'm feeling isn't really jealousy- just a desire to improve or change. The emotion I feel isn't crippling, negative or fueled by hatred or anger. It's just a vision for where I want to be.

When your GF chats with another guy, you should be happy! If you love your GF, you should WISH that she met new people and had a good laugh. So in my opinion, jealousy is a piece of cake to deal with. If you disagree, I suggest you check out buddhist meditations specifically aimed at removing jealousy- they're really great and provide a relatively quick "cure" for jealousy.

But that emotion of "fear"- I think thats what most people are actually talking about when they speak of jealousy in a relationship. What they really mean when they say they're jealous is "I'm scared that I'm not the only man in her life." Admit it- relationships is just as much about possessing as it is about loving. She is MY girlfriend. MY wife. MY lover.

Thus, when we fear the loss of what is "ours" we get scared- doubly so for something as important to us as our intimate relationships. To help alleviate this fear, I feel there are a few main solutions.

Firstly, realise that no one is "yours." You can never actually possess anyone- not even your child or a slave. They are their own creature, with their own thoughts, feelings and desires. To try and make someone "yours" is to cause pain for both yourself, and others. We don't try to possess our friends now do we? We let them be, and we realise we cannot fully understand, nevermind control them. In short, we give them choice. Do you think people do this in their intimate relationships? No! People try to shape, mould, control and manipulate their partners! (Sounds a bit like a battle doesn't it?) They try to shape their partners into their Ideal Image of the perfect man or woman. They try and make a person theirs! Ridiculous! What do you think is the most commonly uttered phrase in romance novels and movies? Something along the lines of "I want to make you mine" or "I am all yours..." Indeed, these two phrases may be the most romantic and flattering thing you can say to a lover, merely because possessiveness of another person is one of our deepest, greatest ego-desires. But in reality, do you really think you can make another person "all yours?"

So I believe the first step in removing "jealousy" (but really, fear) in a relationship is to lose the possessiveness and let your partner Be. If they go off with another person, then so be it! They were never yours to begin with, and so, what have you lost? Nothing! Let your partner go from the chains of your possessiveness.

The second thing we must realise is that people who fear losing a relationship generally have low self confidence- at least in the area of being attractive. If we feel we aren't good enough for our partners, we think they'll go off with another person at the first chance. Perhaps you AREN'T good enough. So do you think jealousy and possessiveness is going to solve the problem? No! In fact, it'll probably make things worst! Theres nothing as unnatractive as a controlling, jealous, fearful girlfriend in my opinion. And if you ARE good enough, then what is there to fear? In the end, jealousy and fear serves absolutely NO purpose. If you have to constantly keep your partner in check in case she goes of with another guy, then you really aren't in a healthy, happy relationship. You might as well break up and find a fat, stupid, ugly girlfriend if you think you are so unworthy.

Thirdly- "To be happy in a relationship, we must be happy being single." Realise that you don't NEED a partner to be happy. Thus, you stop placing so much importance on your GF or BF, and ironically, you will have a much better time with them, and will grow to truly love them, instead of just being attached to them like a leech. I think people can testify this themselves- how much happier were you REALLY when you were in a relationship than when you were single? If we were to look at it from a distance, we realise that although relationships brings a heck load of good times, along with a string of perks, you probably weren't THAT much happier in a relationship compared to being single. Sure, you had your ups and downs, but on average, you were just as happy single. I think many people get in relationships simply for the ego. They want to look good for their friends or they want to be validated. I know I was- in the beginning of my relationship, wanted to be validated... badly! But as time moved on, I realised how empty of an existance and relationship based on validation is. So now, step by step, I'm removing my ego from the picture. I believe all jealousy/fear in a relationship is due to the desire for validation. Wihtout this "hunger for approval," all jealousies vanish.

In short, all I can say is "Let go." Life is a joke anyways, don't take things too seriously. I can't see how anyone with an attitude like that can ever be jealous or fearful.

Puzzle pieces

2007-01-02T20:46:00.000+08:00

"What you do speaks so loud I cannot hear what you say."- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Similarly, I think WHO we are speaks so loud, that other people won't be able to hear what we're saying. We can do all the peripheral things- tell jokes, recount stories, what have you... but in the end, does any of that stuff matter?

When I'm interacting with others, I sometimes feel like I'm connecting on a superficial "surface" level. We try to show each other how cool we are, how intelligent we are, etc. But sometimes, when our guards are down, when our mask slips, something... deeper shines through. Momentary "flashes" of our true selves are revealed, and we can genuinely see who the other person TRULY is. But, like I said, these are mere flashes, and the mask comes straight back on almost as fast as it disappeared.

The buddhists believe that the only way to guide another person to enlightenment is to be enlightened yourself. After all, enlightenement is a state, its who you ARE. So to teach others how to BE, you must BE it yourself. I think its the same way with opening yourself up. In fact, I believe this "opening of the heart and soul" is one of the main ingredients for enlightenment. So if you want to have deep genuine connections with other people, if you want to truly SEE who people are really are, then you must start with yourself. You must lead by example.

I think one of the main reasons people enjoy sex so much (besides the physical elements of course) is because during sex, all barriers are gone. Not to sound like a romance novelist or anything, but it the momentary collapse of our "walls" and the deep connection that's not normally found in "face to face chatter" makes the experience much more satisfying and deep. Hours pass by in seconds and you can FEEL your raw emotions leak out from your pores. But after all that thrusting and multiple orgasms (or maybe not), we put back on our masks as soon as the first word is uttered, and the connection evaporates.

So I think the trick is to "have sex" with everyone. I'm not talking about intercourse of course, but to have... spiritual/emotional sex with everyone. Break down all barriers, be in the moment and un-self conscious, truly mesh and connect with others so both egoes meld together and eventually collapse. I understand what I'm saying here is very abstract and airy fairy, but I don't have a better way of putting it.

In short, if you want to have real connections with real people, you gotta unzip your pants (open up your heart), take out your schlong (lead by example and initiate) and make slow, sweet, passionate love. Sorta unromantic and 18+ there, but you know what I mean.

My belongings

2006-12-26T18:38:00.000+08:00

Somewhere along the road, we started getting the idea that certain elements of the universe "belong" to us. This phone is MINE. This house is MINE. This person is MINE.

I've personally never been TOO attached to material things. Perhaps this is because I've always been fulfilled and satisfied on the material level, so I don't really cling on to them. Or perhaps I know that if I lose my ipod, I could always walk downtown and buy one. No hassle, no pain. In fact, I might even be HAPPIER since I can get a BRAND NEW one, in a different colour! Woah!

But sometimes, I have trouble with being attached to people. This is probably true for most people as well- it's easier to get attached when there are stronger emotions involved. And what invokes in us a greater emotional response than...other people! I get attached and think "this is MY mom." True, she IS my mom, I came from her womb, but she isn't "mine" so to speak. I do not own her, I do not possess her, and I cannot control her. But I sometime get the feeling that MY mom should act in a certain way, talk in a certain way and think in a certain way. Because she is MINE, she should do as I want!

Same with relationships. Oftentimes, I hear couples arguing about each others behaviours.

"You should do this. You shouldn't do that."

Your boy/girlfriend doesn't belong to you! They are a seperate human being with their own thoughts and feelings! Wanting them to conform to your exact desires would only lead to pain- since more often than not, they don't.

Don't possess. The universe doesn't belong to you. In truth, you own nothing. The universe belongs to itself, and since you are a part of it, you basically "belong" to the universe. Everything is constantly in flux and out of your control- so just let it be.

"Do your job, then step back."- Lao Tzu

Life is easy

2006-12-25T12:20:00.000+08:00

Contemplate for a second- what is the definition of a situation that you "can't handle?"

Think of an example of a situation that you absolutely won't be able to deal with.

Hm?

I used to think that I won't be able to handle losing my wallet. I wouldn't be able to handle failing my exams. I wouldn't be able to handle rejection. Poppycock!

No matter what happens externally, I'll be able to handle it! By being able to "handle it," I don't mean changing the situation so it fits into my wants, needs and desires. But ultimately, there is no such thing as not being able to cope.

"Stop thinking and end your problems.
What difference between yes and no?
What difference between success and failure?
Must you value what others value,
avoid what others avoid?"- Lao Tzu

Even death we can handle. For, how is it possible to be able to not handle death? There will be no "me" to be able to not handle! Ultimately, pain is caused by ourselves. It is caused by the illusion that we can't cope with the future, or the present. But when you realise that life just "is," then you begin to let go. And when you begin to let go, you suddenly realise- you can deal with whatever life brings us- even death.

Living with an open heart

2006-12-19T18:56:00.000+08:00

I've found that it is in times of harship, of confrontation, or pain that we most need to live with an open heart, but it is precisely at these times that it is hardest to do so.

What exactly is an "open heart?" When we open ourselves up to the world, to show what we are feeling, to reveal our true natures to the world. To knock down the barriers between you, an the world.

But when we are attacked or are in pain, what is our natural instinct? To protect ourselves, to build walls around ourselves, to close off our hearts for the fear of being hurt. But this is a mistake! It is better to live with an open heart in pain, than to live with a closed heart that torments itself endlessly.

In short, learn to love always- in both times of peace, but also in times of war and turbulence. Its precisely at the time when it is most difficult to love, that love is needed most.

A moment of Madness

2006-12-18T21:19:00.000+08:00

A couple of days ago, I was in a minor depression. Everything seemed bleak and colourless, I felt powerless and anxious, my heart was dark and heavy . To put it mildly, I felt like shit.

Anyways, now that I'm out of it, I look back. And I ask myself...

"What the FUCK was I thinking?!?!?"

My life is amazing, my health is great, and everything is going "right" in my life. But in that moment of madness, all that was lost. All I could focus on was the microscopic part of my life that I viewed as "wrong." I enlarged it to epic proportions in my mind and made mountains out of molehills. I suppose it would be slightly more justified if the problem was "real" or solid, but it wasn't. It was 99% imagined, and barely had any grounding in reality.

But at least I got a lesson out of all this pain. I think I've come one step closer to the realisation that in the end, nothing is "real." It's what the buddhist's have been saying all along,we are essentially "no-thing." The Taoist say Tao is "empty."

So WHAT if this or that happens? SO WHAT if I lose my job, or lose a friend, or fail my exams. All this peripheral stuff is unimportant- what is really important is the Now, the Tao, the Inner being.

Happiness comes from without, peace comes from within. Search and strive for happiness... always aim for happiness. But all the while, remember to stay grounded in yourself, and be at peace.

Heart Smart

2006-12-10T17:12:00.000+08:00

Having read the book "Emotional Intelligence" by Daniel Goleman, I realised that everything I've been trying to do for the past year, everything I write about on this blog- is just a path to emotional intelligence. Its been my burning obsession for the past two (?) years, to decode and master emotional intelligence. So what exactly IS emotional intelligence? To me, its simply:

1) Being aware and conscious of my thoughts, feelings and emotions.
2) Being able to direct my thoughts, feelings and emotions.

Its that simple. The dozens of books I've been reading, the hundreds of hours spent in contemplation, all lead to one thing- emotional intelligence. Not to say that I have now mastered emotional intelligence... in fact, I'd say I'm still quite emotionally retarded sometimes. I could definately do with more emotional control (half the time, I don't really understand why I'm feeling something, and am powerless to alter them).

But anyways, at least now I have a conrete "destination" whereas before, I was walking in the dark, trying to search for something to cling onto. My goal now? To develop my Emotional Intelligence as a path towards Happiness and contentment.

But remeber Soapz! Happiness and contentment could be found Now! It can always be found, wherever you are! But hopefully, with more developed "heart smarts", it would make it more easier for me to find contentment in the present moment, and make it more consistent and longer lasting.

Note to self

2006-12-09T11:55:00.000+08:00

"Let go! Life is just a joke. Relax."
"Wake up!"
"Love."

Don't get sucked in

2006-12-03T16:50:00.000+08:00

The power of the situation can be very powerful. Its easy to get sucked into the moment, and do something which we'll later regret.

Thats how bullying and group violence usually occur- soccer fans get caught up in the moment, and start behaving in ways which they otherwise wouldn't normally behave.

A few days, back I was at a music festival in a club, and was surrounded by younger teens and wannabes, all trying to "be cool." Normally, I'm not much for being cool. I make lame attempts every once in a while, but by and large, I have given up on coolness- I prefer being warm now =) Anyways, when I was there, I got sucked into the situation, and found myself strutting around, trying to be someone I'm not. I felt the strange desire to validate myself to all these younglings, trying to show how cool I was and generally just getting lost in their reality....why?!?!? Just because I'm at a darkly lit room with loud emo music playing in the background, and all these kids showing off their "stuff," it shouldn't mean I have to be a different person!

The problem was I wasn't centered. I wasn't in myself and mindful of my being. In a sense, I lost myself and my identity in that little room and, desperate to latch onto something, I took up the personna of the situation around me- that of a wannabe teenagers.

Oh well... at least now I know how strong the power of the situation can be. It is easy to get sucked into the realities of those around you- but we must always stay centered in ourselves. When you think or do something, always make sure the actions and thoguhts are YOURS, and not just a carbon copy of those around you.

Similarities and differences

2006-11-29T18:50:00.000+08:00

On one level, we are all very different people. He's buddhist, she's American, he's vegetarian, he's rich, she's tall, etc.

If we focus on this superficial level, we will have very little connection with others. Of course, if we base our connections on these superficial things, we can be friends with only those similar to us. But if we go deeper, we in fact share many things. We all feel emotions, we all have thoughts and feelings, we are all human.

And being human, we have only two main desires- to avoid suffering and gain happiness. It's that simple.

Having this view solves so many problems. We no longer get intimidated by people (after all, he's just another guy, just like me- trying to be happy). We no longer are dispassionate or indifferent to the hobo on the street- after all, he's just like you! He too doesn't want pain, and desires happiness.

Gaining this simple insight- that we are all humans, and all humans want hapiness and don't want pain- will allow us to have a deep, true, genuine connection with ALL human beings. And in the end, isn't that what life is all about?

There is no "me"

2006-11-20T19:52:00.000+08:00

I am an introverted, intuitive, feeling-oriented perceiver. I am good at Economics, but bad at Maths. I can lift 50kg with my left arm (not really).

I am this, I am that. Why do we label ourselves with these immobile tags? Aren't we free flowing, ever growing creatures with the ability to change and adapt? So why do we pin our present selves to our pasts? Obvoiusly, the past may be a useful guage or measure of how we'll perform now- but don't be too attached to these labels! We can change, in an instant! *click*

We should live life spontaneously. Every moment is a fresh, new, never-before-seen moment. Live however you want to in that moment. Break down your habits, and start living!

Our little Matrix

2006-11-19T17:44:00.000+08:00

Just today, have I truly come to the deep realisation that a single second lived fully, is worth more than a million seconds lived in thought.

Stop thinking and start being conscious of the world in and around you. Wake up and be aware of the universe, and actually participate in it, instead of merely lurching around in it (like a zombie). When we're in thought, it almost doesn't matter whether we're in heaven or hell, because we aren't aware of whats really going on. We're merely stuck inside a little matrix inside our heads. When we do this, we're no diffrent from schizophrenics- lost in our own minds.

Fear is a matrix. When we're experiencing fear, we aren't really aware of the world. We're merely talking to ourselves and creating little movies inside our heads. Anger is a matrix- our self dialogue keeps on telling us how much of a bitch this person is, or how stupid that person is. We aren't really living in the real world, we're merely living inside the small, dark little island known as our mind.

Thought has its place, but it is merely a tool. A tool to be taken out and used every once in a while- not as a replacement for actually living. Put things back into balance.

Live.

I've never made a mistake

2006-11-13T19:03:00.000+08:00

I've never made a mistake. Ever.

I'm sitting here in my chair, trying to think of ALL the things I've screwed up in my life and to be honest- I can't think of much.

Now, this can either be a good or bad thing, depending on how I look at it. It can either mean that I am enlightened and optimistic- I view all my "mistakes" as short term setbacks and learning oppurtunities. In truth, the only mistake we can ever make is killing ourselves. Otherwise, all "failures" can be turned around and changed into opportunity. Even losing a limb or going deaf can bring many positives (you just have to look for them). Now, I'm not saying "Go out and chop off your arm!" I'm just saying that when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

Now, back to me and my non-existant failures. The second way of looking at it is simply "I haven't been taking enough risks"- I'm too pussy. Painful for me to admit, but on some level, very true. I have been too safe and guarded. All the mistakes I've made in my life aren't because of the thing I HAVE done, but its because of the things I HAVEN'T done. I didn't revise, or I didn't ask the girl for a dance, or I didn't jump off the waterfall. In other words, I don't regret anything that I've done- ever. But I regret not doing the things I could've done! Such a shame! I'm looking back right now, and I want to slap my past-self. Why didn't I take those risks? Even if I failed, would it really matter? Would it matter to me now if the girl rejected my offer for a dance? No! But would it affect me now if she DID accept? Yes! The event would etch itself onto my memory as the first time I ever danced with someone! I would remember that till death!

But alas, no point in whining- life is full of lessons. And I'm beginning to learn mine. Everything is about balance. Light and darkness, yin and yang, safety and risk. We all have to find our own balance. For too long, I have lived a life too rich in safety, and too scarce in risk. That is not my natural balance- I am not comfortable living my life like this! So now, I will try and gain equilibrium by taking more risks and living life to the full.

When will I know I have reached this Nirvana of balance? I will feel it. I will be deeply contented and comfortable. I can look back on my life during death and say to myself- "I have lived life well. Thank you God for providing me with the oppurtunity to not only be alive, but to truly be able to live my life. Thank you..."

Confidence with people

2006-11-06T20:29:00.000+08:00

The absolute best way to gain social confidence is to truly and deeply believe that you have something to offer- to believe that you can make the other persons life better simply by interacting with them.

How can we make the other persons life better? Make them laugh. Tell them an interesting story. Teach them something cool. Make them feel loved. The possibilities are endless!

Would you be scared of getting fired from your job if you truly believe (and did) offer your company something unique and valuable? Even if you do get fired, you can always go to another company and share your "gift" there! But chances are, if you provide unique and worthwhile value, your company will break an arm just to keep you.

The same is with social interactions. If you can make the other persons day a brighter one, than what do you have to fear? Nothing.

But some people will go "yes, but I DON'T have anything of value I can offer!"

Bull poop. Do you have opinions, feelings and thoughts? Cuz if you do, you can share them! People absolutely Love to hear someone elses viewpoints on stuff.

Do you have ears? Cuz if you do, you can listen to other people talk about their problems, their triumphs, and their feelings. People Love talking! They just need an attentive ear. You can offer that, right?

But theres more than that. If you think about it, there are an infinite number of things you have on offer.
Do you have lips? Offer a smile!
Do you have a good "yo mamma" joke? Tell em!
Do you have a functional penis? Offer the girl an orgasm! (Gotta love this one!)

If you don't feel like you have a lot on offer, than learn! Learn to tell good stories. Practice being a good listener! Pick up a book on sex and learn to give girls wild time in bed! Whatever!

Just remember, your goal isn't to get people to like you. Instead, try and make other peoples lives a brighter one. Actually, no. Don't just "try" and make other peoples lives better - actually DO it!

My Master Mindsets

2006-11-05T18:12:00.000+08:00

A month or two ago, I made a document listing all the positive mindsets a person should aim to have. Although this is still in its infancy stages, I thought it would be nice to share it. Keep in mind that it is not complete, and I've since changed how I feel about a few concepts over the past month, but its still a pretty nice summary of what I am striving to work towards.

Ø Live with Love in my heart- Always strive to bring happiness, joy and serenity into the hearts of everyone! Look for the good in everyone.

Ø I am the master of my fate, the captain of my soul- I am the master of only one thing- and that is myself. My thoughts and emotions lead to actions. And actions can shape destiny.

Ø Cultivate a Positive Mental Attitude- Focus on the things I Want.

Ø Live in the Now- My emotions must always be based on the present.

Ø Develop a Magnificent Obsession- Develop a Magnificent Obsession to help others without expecting reward or payment.

Ø Have Faith- Develop the belief that with the proper “way,” I can achieve anything I desire.

Ø Develop definiteness of purpose- Select definite, specific, desirable goals and keep them in mind daily. Develop the burning desire to achieve them.

Ø I will Persist Until I succeed- Failure is temporary, for each adversity carries within it the seed of tomorrow’s success. Always learn from failures, and persist!

Ø Be honest- Be truthful to myself and to others.

Ø Develop Good Habits- Actions repeated creates habit, habits create character, character creates destiny. Sow good habits, and success will naturally follow.

Ø Express myself- Let the world see my true self! Let them feel my humanity.

Ø Be enthusiastic and have fun- Being energetic is a state of mind. Go crazy, go nuts, go berserk! Party till I drop.

Ø The world loves me- Truly, deeply and honestly believe that people like and love me.

Ø Accept the priceless gift- The Joy of work. Being useful brings satisfaction.

Ø Put things into perspective- I will choose my comparisons wisely, and only give events/things the emphasis they deserve.

Ø I am nature’s greatest Miracle- I am unique and rare. Don’t try and imitate others, and be proud of my differences!

We are all sexy

2006-11-01T13:02:00.000+08:00

We are all sexy- we just need an effective way of conveying it.

Whats the most effective way of conveying your attractiveness? Just let it be. Let it shine naturally in all its glory without blocking it or getting in its way.

Simple? You betcha!

Be a Mountain

2006-10-26T20:16:00.000+08:00

Circumstances change. Events pop up. Shit happens.

Everything is a cyle. The stock market goes up and down. The rabbit population is cyclical. Even women have mentrual cycles.

So when things are looking down, we can't be so short sighted. Give it some time and let it breathe. For example, relationships have their ups and downs- that is natural. But just because you recently had a minor fight, and the relationship is currently in a low point, it doesn't mean you have to break up. Give it some room, and see where it goes.

We can't always be at a high point. We can't just keep on going up and up and up.

So how do we determine when we should quit? How many arguments are needed for a breakup? How much money should we lose before getting out the stock market?

Look at the big picture. Shortsightedness is ignorance. Look at the overall, picture- are there more high points than low points? Are you experiencing net gains or losses?

It is sometimes too easy to get caught up in the moment. Don't let that happen to you. Be like "an island that cannot be swept away by flood."

You must have faith that when you're at a low point, tommorow will be a better day and things will start looking up. Without the belief that tommorow will be a better day, we wouldn't be here. We would've all jumped off a building long ago.

Don't sweat the small stuff, and stay optimistic.

Throw "first impressions" out the window

2006-10-21T21:32:00.000+08:00

First impressions can kiss my ass.

I don't know if its because I have horrible "people reading" skills, but more often than not, my first impressions of people turn out to be horribly wrong.

I've read studies where students can determine how good a teacher is just by watching a 30 second video. It took me 3 lessons (4 hours 30 minutes) to figure out.

I used to believe so strongly in the powers of general "vibe," looks and body language to determine character and personality. I believed that I can tell who someone was just by looking at them. I guess I was wrong.

Obviously, we should always strive to give off good first impressions- other people will always judge us by them. But we shouldn't be so hasty in passing judgement of others without giving them ample opportunity to reveal themselves.

If we are making friends, do we really care how they look? Not really. So don't "screen" people like you "screen" for girlfriends. It ain't the same thing.

Who's life are you living?

2006-10-13T19:29:00.000+08:00

Are you the same as everyone else?

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."- Oscar Wilde

We are all fundamentally human beings, but yet we are all different from each other. Our thoughts are unique, our personality exclusive, our feelings individual. There is no one on earth that can replace you- none can talk like you, none can walk like you, and none can act like you.

And yet, many of us spend hours, day, and years of our lives, trying to discard our individuality and conform to the socially desireable image. We pretend to be indifferent and "cool," we veil our true desires, and we bow our heads down to the latest trend or fashion.

Stop! Be PROUD of who you are, differences and all. It is your DIFFERENCES that make you- there was never a man who was successful "because he was such an exceptional conformist." No! Success comes from individuality! Success comes from CHARACTER! Success comes from You. Begin today to place your differences on display, and sell your uniqueness!

It is sometimes all too easy to fall into the trap of society. It takes little effort to pretend to be someone else. It takes effort to truly be yourself. You must stand in the face of adversity, you must hold strong in your position, and you must genuinely Love yourself.

Remember, we can either live someone elses life, or our own. You are only allotted a limited timeslot in the history of man- make the most of it. Will your life be a mimicry? Or will you mold your life into something that you can be PROUD of at your deathbed. Make the choice today, and never look back.

It's your choice

2006-10-10T20:52:00.000+08:00

"I have no friends!"

You are choosing it.

"I don't have a girlfriend!"

You are choosing it.

Think about it- who is to say you can't have friends? You can always go to a mental asylum- there'll be plenty of people who would want to be your "friend" there! What about a Girlfriend? Of course you can get one! Just ask some fat, evil hag out! No problem!

But we don't do those things (unless we're DAMN desperate) because we want more. We believe we deserve better. Why? Because somewhere deep down inside us, we KNOW we can be better than who we currently are. Because we feel that if people really got to know our TRUE SELVES, we can be friends with ANYONE on earth, and have ANY GIRL we want!

So remember, the next time you catch yourself whining- realise that you CHOSE your situation. You CHOSE to reject inferiority, and instead, aimed for greatness. But greatness requires greater effort and sacrifice than inferiority- so unless you're willing to work for it, don't expect successs to magically manifest in your life!

Basically, CHOOSE the price ranges of the car you want to purchase, but keep in mind that the price of the car must be in proportion to the amount of hours you are willing to work. If you want to be lazy, and don't mind driving something cheap, then buy the Toyota! If you're willing to put in those extra hours, then go for the Porshe! It's that simple!

Obviously, what you buy is up to you. The man driving the Porshe is no better off than the Toyota man- opportunity cost will come into play. The hours the Porshe man spent on working, could've been used to play golf, or whatever. The most important thing is- don't aim for the Porshe when you are only willing to work for a Toyota.

Remember- life always gives choice. Make the one that suits YOU!

Breakups

2006-10-06T19:02:00.000+08:00

Dating is pleasant. Being single is free. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Adapted from "Life is pleasant. Death is Peaceful. Its the transition that's troublesome."- Isaac Asimov.

In fact, this can be applied to many things. In most cases, the "before" and "after" are both positive- its just the transition, the change thats difficult.

Hopes vs. Objectives

2006-10-05T18:55:00.000+08:00

99.99999% of us want to change. We want better jobs, more confidence, more friends...whatever. Very few of us are TOTALLY satisfied with our lives and wouldn't want to change a THING about it.

This is fine- we can all still be happy in this state.

But how do we actually go about making these changes we desire? What seperates the begger from the tycoon? The content of their desires? Certainly not- I'm sure both individuals want money.

It is the strength of the desires and the way in which they are painted in their minds that makes the difference.

To achieve anything truly great in life, we must want it badly enough. It cannot just be a passing hope or daydream- it must be a pulsating, burning HUNGER. "There is no such thing as something for Nothing" said Napoleon Hill. Our desires determine how much we're willing to sacrifice and "pay" in order to attain something.

Fan the flames of desires to attain your goals.

Second, is how they paint their desires in their minds. The beggar merely hopes for more money. It is but a flimsy, vague "idea" in his mind. He has no concrete goals or plan to achieve them. The tycoon however- he's a man with a plan. He knows how much he wants, and understands he must put in the effort to achieve them- there is no such thing as something for nothing. Even though he might not have a clear, detailed plan for attaining riches, he knows he will do whatever it takes to get them. Instead of a mere hope for more money, he has clear, concrete objective.

Do away with Hopes! Develop concrete objectives!

If you aren't where you want to be in life and aren't satisfied with it, you have two choices. Either accept it and estinguish that flame of desire within you (and never think about it again), or CHANGE. Develop the pulsating HUNGER to achieve clear concrete objectives! Write them on paper and stick em' around your room if you have to!

Too often, we are stuck in our little shells of comfort. We are unwilling to sacrifice and pay the price for success. What is the price for success? Effort, failure, blood and sweat may be some of the things the "store of life" asks of you in return for success. You either agree to pay the price, or turn around and leave. No one is making you buy.

Ripples in the Water

2006-10-04T10:54:00.000+08:00

"You make a difference!"
"You are important!"
"You are God's greatest miracle!"

Sounds like the cheesy cries of a self help book. But look deeper, and we'll realise that they're actually correct.

Imagine if you will, that you never existed. Your mom and dad simply didn't "Do it" on that fateful night. How different would the world be! How different would the lives of those around you be! You may not know or feel it, but you have directly, and indirectly affected hundreds upon thousands of people! You might have saved someones life by throwing away a plastic bag lying on the floor. You might have inspired an 8 year old kid to be "Just like you" when they grow up. Or you may have simply been a good friend, supporting them in times of need.

Realise that simply by being alive, you are altering everything around you, and affecting it in your own personal way. Change is inevitable- the world will change whether you want it or not.

But at least you can choose the direction it goes in.

I'm on top of the World!!!

2006-09-30T10:22:00.000+08:00

"I'm so high, I'm gonna explode."

That's how you should feel when you're going out- High. Very High.

I'm obviously not advocating the use of illegal substances, but being energetic and not caring about looking like a fool is a sure fire way of having the BEST FUCKIN' TIME OF YOUR LIFE!!!!

People get lung cancer, get arrested, risk liver failure and pay a heck loada money just to experience a little bit of that "high." What they fail to realise is that the state of being high comes from YOU- from your state of mind, not from little leaves.

Just have fun! Go crazy! Actually no, don't go crazy, go NUTS!

You only have one life- try n' make every second as explosive as you can handle. Then, go back home, have the SWEETEST DEEPEST sleep you'll ever have, and go out there the next day and party again!

On Complaining

2006-09-26T21:47:00.000+08:00

"People are so closed off nowadays."
"Girls are SooOoOoOo hard to understand!"
"It's not fair, why aren't I popular?!?!?"

When we're running on the road of life, we have two options when we're faced with a hurdle- label it as an obstacle that prevents us from reaching our destination, and start whining/complaing; or see the hurdle as merely a challenge and concentrate on jumping the hurdle, and learning from the experience.

"How can I open people up?"
"I don't fully understand girls- it's more exciting this way!"
"I'm not popular NOW, but how can I make a few more friends?"

I'll admit, whining is a lot more "fun" in the short run. For many, there is no greater satisfaction than complaining about life, and its many difficulties. Its expressive, its easy...its like an art that doesn't require any skill! But ultimately, it gets you nowhere.

Instead of wasting our energy complaining, imagine if we used our time to TAKE ACTION and attempt to improve our situation!

Unless you are dying, why should you whine? You still have your life, and you can mold and change it no matter how great the obstacles ahead of you seem to be. Remember, ANYONE can experience happiness- you just need to be receptive to it.

And if you ARE dying? Well, theres nothing you can do about it, so you might as well enjoy your last few breaths, look at the beauty around you, and smile.

Express!

2006-09-24T22:23:00.000+08:00

Always express yourself! Talk about your feelings, your thoughts, your emotions. Talk about your feelings and reactions towards Beethoven, your thoughts about Communism, your emotions when your dog died! Just talk about yourself on a deeper level.

Ralate your humanity to people. All humans experience emotions- therefore, all humans share similar experiences no matter how different their outer lives actually seem.

When other people do/say things that you like, tell em! Express your appreciation and love for their actions.

You know what should be the most often used word in your conversation? "I."

It ain't egocentric- but its simply the topic you are most knowledgeable about =D

Persist

2006-09-21T17:12:00.000+08:00

I never really noticed how often we let things go (big or small). We often times give up at the first sign of an obstacle, no matter how insignificant it may be. Mostly, this is born out of laziness, but sometimes, it comes from somewhere much deeper.

My "mantra" for the next three weeks is "I will persist until I Succeed." Whenever I can't be bothered to do something, or whenever I'm about to give up, my unconscious shouts out to me "I will persist until I succeed!" and I am motivated to act.

We miss out on SooOoOoOOo many things in life simply because we are too lazy to act. I'm thinking back on my entire life now, and I'm thinking how different it would be if I had acted on all those small oppurtunities! How many more friends I would have! How many more things I would've done! How much more fun I could've had!!!

Persist. Being too lazy to be happy is one of the lamest excuses I've ever heard- and I've been using it for too long. So long as I live, I will persist!

I will Greet each Day with Love in my Heart

2006-09-09T22:12:00.000+08:00

I will greet each day with love in my heart.

For this is the greatest secret of success in all ventures. Muscle can split a shield and even destroy life, but only the unseen power of love can open the hearts of men and when I master this art, I will become the most joyous man on Earth. I will make love my greatest asset and all whom I call upon will bathe in its glow. My love will melt all hearts liken to the sun whose rays soften the coldest clay.

I will greet each day with love in my heart.

And how will I do this? Henceforth will I look on all things with love and I will be born again. I will love the sun for it warms my bones; yet I will love the rain for it cleanses my spirit. I will love the light for it shows me the way; yet I will love the darkness for it shows me the stars. I will welcome happiness for it enlarges my heart; yet I will endure sadness for it opens my soul. I will acknowledge rewards for they are my due; yet I will welcome obstacles for they are my challenge.

I will greet each day with love in my heart.

And how will I speak? I will praise mine enemies and they will become friends; I will encourage my friends and they will become brothers. Always will I dig for reasons to applaud; always will I be honest and give sincere appreciation. When I am moved to praise I will shout from the roofs.

Is it not so that birds, the wind, the sea and all nature speaks with the music of praise for their creator? I too will sing the same music of love to his children. Henceforth will I remember this secret and it will change my life.

I will greet each day with love in my heart.

And how will I act? I will love all manners of men for each has qualities to be admired even though they be hidden. With love I will tear down the walls of suspicion and hate which they have built round their hearts and in its place will I build bridges so that my love may enter their souls.

I will love the ambitious for they can inspire me! I will love the failures for they can teach me. I will love the kings for they are but human; I will love the meek for they are divine. I will love the rich for they are so few; I will love the poor for they are so many. I will love the young for the faith they hold; I will love the old for the wisdom they share. I will love the beautiful for the glimmer in their eyes; I will love the ugly for their souls of peace.

I will greet each day with love in my heart.

But how will I react to the action of others? With love. For just as love is my weapon to open the hearts of men, love is also my shield to repulse the arrows of hate and the spears of anger. Adversity and discouragement will beat against my new shield and become as the softest of rains. My shield will protect me in the wilderness and sustain me when I am alone. It will uplift me in moments of despair yet it will calm me in times of fear. It will become stronger with use until one day I will cast it aside and walk unencumbered among all manners of men and, when I do, my name will be raised high on the pyramid of life.

I will greet each day with love in my heart.

And how will I confront each whom I meet? In only one way. In silence and to myself I will address her and say I Love You. Though spoken in silence these words will shine in my eyes, unwrinkle my brow, bring a smile to my lips, and echo in my voice; and her heart will be opened. And she will welcome me with warmth when her heart feels my love.

I will greet each day with love in my heart.

And most of all I will love myself. For when I do I will zealously inspect all things which enter my body, my mind, my soul and my heart. I will cherish my body with cleanliness and moderation. My mind will be attracted to honesty and hope. I will feed my soul with joy and prayer. My heart will become open and kind, I will share it and it will grow and warm the earth.

I will greet each day with love in my heart.

Henceforth I will love all mankind. From this moment, I have time only for love. From this moment, I take the first step required to become a man amongst men. With love, I will increase my happiness a hundredfold and become successful and cheerful. Even though I have many other qualities, I can succeed with love alone. It matters not if I lack knowledge or skill, for

I will greet each day with love, and I will succeed.

Criticism

2006-08-31T20:39:00.000+08:00

Don't be defensive when others critisice. Chances are, if someone criticised you, there was a reason behind it.

Take the comment, remove all emotions from it, remove all emotions from your initial reaction, and look at it.

Can it be used to help you improve?

We only have two eyes- let others watch out for you. What our friends see in you may be different from what you see in the mirror.

Twelve steps

2006-08-22T00:51:00.000+08:00

Work out. Although it'll get you looking like a model in no time, the main reason for doing it is to get you more confident about yourself and to get those "primal" feelings of aggression and masculinity in you. Start off doing squats, dealifts, benchpress and rows. 3 sets of 6-8 reps, heavy as you can go. Twice a week.
Stop reading "seduction" stuff. Read self-help/motivational books instead (I recommend "The Greatest Salesman in the World," and "The Way of the Superior Man").
Find a fun hobby that you enjoy and will be proud of.
Get some good looking clothes.
When interacting, always be POSITIVE, and aim to make everyone FEEL GOOD and make yourself FEEL GOOD. Have fun!
Talk to EVERYONE! Grannie's, men, children... Spread the love!
Be genuinely complimentary.
Stick with basic greetings, just go up and introduce yourself.
Get basic compliance- have her talk, move her around, get people to DO stuff. Make sure she doesn't get bored.
Be a friend!
Move close to each other. Touching is Love.
Don't push- just chill. Be zen and in the Moment.

Go do it. Now.

Love

2006-08-18T00:32:00.000+08:00

More and more am I seeing the endless possibilities of Love.

The Hippies were right. Love is all we need.

And the only thing greater than recieving Love is Sharing it with others.

No I am not stoned.

The Ego

2006-08-16T16:03:00.000+08:00

Stop thinking about yourself.
You are not that important.
You are but one person, out of billions.

Now, I don't mean you are worthless- far from it. But the amount of time and energy we spend thinking about ourselves is nothing short of astonishing. The Universe is a large, abundant resource, and yet, we focus on the small speck that is ourselves.

Open up- expand your consciousness beyond the self and take in the world around you. Give the universe a hug.

Let nature show you her gift of beauty.

What to focus on

2006-08-11T21:35:00.000+08:00

Its a bit of a Dillema Really...

Should we focus on Others, or on Ourselves?

Should we be focused on deciphering other peoples thoughts and feelings, or should we try to understand and control our own emotions?

On one hand, it seems that focusing on ourselves is the way to go since focusing on others is "supplicative" and ultimately- something beyond our control. Our own minds on the other hand, can be shaped and moulded much more easily.

But, on the other hand, focusing on ourseleves is egocentric and "closed." Shouldn't we "open up" and take in all of the world and its inhabitants?

It ultimately lies in the intention of the focus. When we focus on ourseleves, our goal (our intention) is to integrate ourselves- to become "one" without internal conflicts and confusion (such as fear or jealousy). In this way, we become conscious, whole, and complete. Our emotions should serve not as litmus tests for how well our lives is going according to our expectations. "When other people like us, we are happy. When they rejects us, we are sad, etc.etc." Our emotions fill the sole purpose of making us feel good and help us with our second goal, which is...

When focusing on the outside world (e.g. "the girl"), we must focus on increasing positivity and reducing negativity of others. Or, to put it simply, to make the other person Genuinely Happier. The flaw many people have when focusing on others is trying to get them to "like us," or attempting to manipulate them into our little servants. This is a mistake. Not only is this doing harm to others, it is also detrimental on your overall happiness and Karma.

The universe is neither good nor bad. It simply moulds itself to your thoughts. A person with positive thoughts and actions will find that the world is a much more happy, joyful, positive place. If you don't believe in such things, that is fine too. Know that if your intention is to make the other person genuinely happier, they will know it. Be it through the glimmer in your eyes, or the warm inviting body posture you adopt. And it would take a crazy person to reject someone trying to make them happier.

In the beginning, we will no doubt be focusing on ourselves quite a lot since our internal state will probably be quite messy. We will constantly feel fear creeping in, or jealousy running amock. But worry not, simply learn to gently push those feelings and thoughts away, and let the shine of confidence and joy fill your heart and body.

But as we progress, our inner souls start becoming...clearer and more focused. Then, we can begin shifting more of our consciousness into the outer world. We begin to lose our ego's, our sense of self dissapears. Do not confuse this with "losing ourselves" as many mental patients have done. Our selves cannot be lost, it is always "there." Rather, as Csikszentmihalyi nicely puts it, we have "Neither lost consciousness, nor the Self. We have simply lost consciousness of the self."

We will stop thinking of what others percieve of us. We will no longer be offended when others belittle us, nor will we be prone to the traps of ego and pride. Supplication cannot exist since we are not thinking about ourseleves. Insecurities vanish. Jealousy dissapears since we are Happy when something good happens to others.

To purpose of this journey is not to "Be popular" or to "Feel validated." This journey will not make the most efficient use of your time and efforts if that is your sole purpose. Instead, this is the path towards ultimate happiness and- to the buddhists- enlightenment.

99% of People

2006-08-08T19:31:00.000+08:00

I'm looking at my class photo right now. 30 people.

I'm trying to imagine- who will die alone? Who will still be a virgin at the age of 40? Who REALLY needs help with meeting people of the opposite sex?

On a really bad day, I'd say...one person. One person out of 30 will die a virgin, unmarried, and will need help meeting people. But otherwise, I'd say ALL my classmates- all 30 of them- will definately die having experienced "love" countless times and will most likely die married. There is nothing "wrong" with anyone. Sure, some will have a much easier time meeting people than others, but on the whole, I'd say none of them need "help" with meeting people of the opposite sex.

So, why are there large, mega-communities dedicated to the "art" of meeting and seducing? Why are thousands and millions of copies of "Cosmopolitan" published weekly and distributed to Women who want to "attract men?"

Honestly, its a waste of energy, and more importantly, time. Every second we spend reading ABOUT love is a second not spent actually LOVING someone.

I've spent a good chunk of my summer surfing through these "seduction" sites. 99.9% of the stuff I find are totally useless. The "advice" I see posted on girly sites about "How to catch and keep a Man" is ridiculous. All the girls I've liked do not do ANY of the stuff posted on these sites- and yet, I still liked them very much.

Seriously- stay away. Stick with good books instead- the signal to noise ratio on these so called "online communities" is pathetic. The time needed to find something useful is just not worth it.

99% of people don't need hepl with the opposite sex. The remaining 1% are homo.

The First Step

2006-08-04T18:19:00.000+08:00

Emotions

The ability to remove negative emotions and increase positive ones is the first thing a person needs to learn in order to be charismatic, and more importantly, to be Happy.

Take a "normal" man. Remove all his negative emotions- Fear, Obsessive Desire, Anger even...

And intensify His positive emotions. Increase his feelings of Joy, of Love, of Optimism.

And what do you have? A Charismatic, Friendly, Happy, Person. A Man that people would break an arm and a leg to spend time with. It wouldnt' even matter if he was mute, deaf, disabled, or French. People would still Love him.

But heres a question...what is a "Positive" emotion and what's a "Negative" emotion?

A positive emotion is one gives you Lasting Happiness and "Completes" you on every single level of your being.

Lets take an example, Drugs. Sure, it seems to make you Happy and maybe even complete, but is it lasting? Or will the positive emotion simply turn into a negative one (such as cravings and obsessive desire) later on? And in most cases, it won't complete you on every single level of your being- theres probably a little voice somewhere inside you that whispers "No!"

Most emotions we think that are positive are actually negative in the sense that they will simply turn 180 degress in a manner of minutes and transform into negative ones. Take for example, the emotion of "Acceptance." A girl gives you a Blowjob. You feel valildated, happy, accepted. But 24 hours later, that very sense of acceptance turns into obsessive desire for more Girls, more Blowjobs, more acceptance. So that original sense of Happines you had wasn't a "real" positive emotion- it was merely a wolf in sheeps clothing.

So rememeber- cultivate long lasting emotions that simply "feel good." You'll be a much more charismatic and Happier person.

"Life Energy"

2006-08-03T13:04:00.001+08:00

Moths gather around light. Plants grow towards the sun. People are attracted to Energy.

Life! This is what attracts a person towards you! The indescribeable quality that one feels when in the prescence of an attractive person. It seems like a radiant light emanating from the persons heart, from their very core or being.

You don't have to be hyperactive, intense or "clownish" to give off energy. The buddhist monk, sitting quietly and serenely in the mountains- he too radiates an incredible sense of "life." Spending time with a person who gives off "life" is energising, it recharges us. It is like taking a sip of water from a fresh stream.

But when we block off this energy, when we disrupt its flow, others feel less compelled to be attracted towards us. Furthermore, our hapiness and contentment will wither like a flower in the dark. We must let our energy flow freely. Let it express its true form. Let others bathe in the glow that is your Life!

Words cannot describe adequately what I'm trying to convey...so try this.

Close your eyes, and imagine a glow coming from your heart. A pure white glow pulsing from your heart. Now, imagine this glow moving through your body, to your arms, down to your legs, back up to your head....until your entire body is glowing with radiant light. Then, double the intensity! Make the light brighter. And brighter yet! Feel the light radiate from yourself until everything around you is engulfed in the light that is your Life! Now open your eyes.

How does it feel?

What is Cool?

2006-07-19T10:21:00.000+08:00

(Inspired by Pook at http://dapook.blogspot.com/)

Wow. I haven't stumbled on something as eye opening as this in a while....

What exactly makes something "cool" while others "nerdy?" Lets make a list of things that are considered cool nowadays:

Going out
Listening to recently released Music
Keeping with new Fashion trends
Keeping up to date on new movies, TV shows, etc.

What about "un-cool things?"

Staying Home, surfing the internet.
Listening to Orchestral Music, The Beatles, etc.
Wearing old clothes
Not knowing what Brokeback Mountain is, etc.

Hmm....theres a pattern there. Look at the first list- whenever you do the things that are considered "cool," SOMEONE is making money. Going out means you spend money on food, shopping, etc.
Listening to recently released music means you gotta buy the NEWEST albums. New fashion trends- gotta buy the clothes. You get the idea.

And look at the uncool list. How much money do companies make when you stay home? Not Much! Listening to orchestra and The Beatles...not much money to be made there! Wearing old clothes..nope!

Woah! Clever isn't it? Companies make things seem "cool" so they can suck our wallets dry. Genius....And the clever part is, most people fall prey to this elaborate veil designed to manipulate our desire to "appear cool" without really knowing it! (I didn't until I read Pooks blog!)

So really think about it...is it THAT important to be "cool?"

What we are ultimately looking for

2006-06-13T21:22:00.000+08:00

Money? Wealth? Friends? Health?

Yeah sure, to a certain extent, we all are looking for those things. But they are not the be all and end all for life satisfaction.

We want those things not because of their function, but the feelings they create within us. They give us a sense of Joy, Peace, Satisfaction, and more.

I'm with my girlfriend because I want to experience positive emotions and increase my happiness. That is the ultimate reason why I'm with her. It's not because I want to be kissed, or because I wanna gain social acceptance. Yes, I do want those things, but its only because it satisfies me emotionally. I just want to be happy.

It's that simple.

So when something that we supposedly "want" makes us unhappy, slow down and take a step back. Why do you want it in the first place? To make you stressed out and depressed?

Of course not! We want money so it can make us happier! We want to be in relationships because its just so goddam FUN to have a special someone in your life!

Don't ever lose sight of this. It is our ultimate purpose in life- but many of us get disillusioned along the way.

"We are not REALLY searching for objects. What we are REALLY looking for are the feelings that those objects give us. "

Refuse to experience sadness. Choose happiness- its a lot more fun!

The Power's of the PPI

2006-06-09T22:33:00.000+08:00

The Powerful Positive Intent.

The Universe reflects back our thoughts very much like a mirror reflects our image. Thus, when you ask selfish thoughts such as "What can I gain from this," the Universe will ask right back "What can I gain from You?" And since the Universe is much smarter than we'll ever hope to be, the World will take more from you, than what you take from the World.

Alternatively, if you say "How can I help," the Universe will reflect your positive intention right back at you and ask "How can I help ?"

You ask the Universe, "How can I serve? How can I benefit the you? How can I make this world a better place?"

The Universe replies to you, "How can I serve you? How can I benefit you? How can I make You a Better person?"

Thus, always approach life with an attitude of unattached giving and sharing. When interacting with people, don't think "What can I get from this person?" or "How can this person benefit me?" Instead, go in with the attitude of Love and Care- "How can I make this girl smile? How can I put a little bit of Joy in this girl's life?"

Not only will you be more positive when thinking like this, but your life will be much easier too! Think about it- how hard is it to put a smile on a person's face? Comparatively, how hard it is to get someone to like you?

Really now, are we THAT selfish that we can't give 5 seconds of our time to say a simple "Wow, I like your dress" to make someone happy? Remember, its the intention that counts- not the words.

(Inspired by "The Tao of Dating" by Alex Benzer)

Out the window...

2006-06-07T18:17:00.000+08:00

"Read everything you need to read. Learn everything you need to learn. Then go out there, throw everything out the window and listen to your gut."

Sometimes, reading something is enough to implant in our subconscious mind a few basic ideas. Our subconscious minds learn much faster than our conscious minds. Thus, don't bother to consciously recall what you've learnt. Instead, use it to focus on the subconscious and bring out its infinite wisom.

The Power of Now

2006-06-05T17:22:00.000+08:00

"What is missing, at this very moment?"

Almost all the time, NOTHING is missing at this moment. At this VERY moment, everything is perfect. There maybe something missing in an hour, a minute or even a second later, but at this very moment in time, NOTHING is missing.

Too often, we worry about the future. And when the "future" comes, we discover that our worries were not realised. But by then, we've found some other thing in the future to worry about, ad infinatum. Or maybe we believe that our "salvation" is in the future. We daydream about how great and bright our futures are- only to be dissapointed when we actually get there. So what happens next? We daydream about the future, again! We never actually reach this Nirvana of "happiness." We must realise that Nirvana, happiness and enlightenment doesn't belong there (i.e the future), but it is here!

There is no greater time to be happy than NOW! It literally is now or never!

But obviously, we cannot just IGNORE the future. We cannot use this as an excuse to sit back and not plan ahead. The trick isn't to turn a blind eye to the future, the trick is not to put your EMOTIONS in the future.

Your emotions must always be right here, at this moment, NOW! Sure, you can think about the past, or the future- but never let your emotions fade away from Now.

For example, when you project your happiness into the future, it is basically saying that you won't be happy Now, but you plan on being happy Later!

Or when you project your anger to the past, you are dwelling on something and not truly forgiving and letting go of the past.

So remember, its alright to Think about the past or the future, but your emotions must ALWAYS be in the NOW! Why? Because Now is the only thing that is REAL.

"The past is history, the future is a mystery."

The past can't be changed, so don't bother feeling the past. Just look back to learn from it. The future is a mystery- you have a certain degree of control over it, but anything could happen and poof! Nothing goes according to plan. The only real thing we have power over, the only thing that matters, the only thing that is real is Now.

Less is more

2006-05-30T21:52:00.000+08:00

Overthinking. Overanalysing.

So much to remember. So much to think about. So many possibilties.

A Natural person doesn't think about "confidence" or "being interesting" or "playing hard-to-get."

He IS confident, he IS interesting, he IS hard-to-get. And he knows and feels this.

The conscious mind works in terms of logic. The subconscious mind works with feelings and emotions.

Ultimately, the path to true confidence is the inner feeling of confidence. The path to truly being a great conversationalist is the deep, unmistakeable FEELING of being talkative.

FEELINGS. I think I've found the master key to mastering oneself. We are what we feel.

The two magic pills

2006-04-29T16:51:00.000+08:00

"Cajones"

and

"Social Skills"

Alpha

2006-04-21T22:52:00.000+08:00

"Stand tall. Project your voice. Dominate the conversation. Don't take shit from anyone. Be physical."

Those are often the words I see on my screen when reading "advice" on internet forums and articles. While some tips are pretty universal and useful throughout (e.g. stand tall), some of them aren't so great.

"You have been brainwashed by society to behave like a woman. Just look at all those Disney fairy tales and wimpy movies nowadays. You have essentially lost your manhood. You beliefs about how men should act are twisted. You will stay lonely forever unless you learn the ways of the Alpha-Male."

Lovely. We've just gone from one extreme of the spectrum to another. From "dick-less chickens" to "macho-wannabe."

Not healthy.

I'm a strong supporter of the "Just be Yourself" philosophy. I for one, can't put on this "Alpha" display of behaviour when I'm with people. I can't (and don't want to) dominate the conversation- I actually like to listen to people.

I can't be a serious, tough-guy because I'm a happy person and I like to take things easy.

Whenever I catch myself in the mirror, I always see a semi-goofy smile on my face. Not very "macho."

I am therefore, definately NOT the "Alpha" guy that the people tell me I should be.

But in my opinion, being alpha is deeper than "dominate always" or "Be loud."

Those things are one of the possible RESULTS that come from being Alpha. The essence of Alpha itself goes deeper down than that. First, what exactly is an Alpha Male?

Wikipedia: "... the alpha male or alpha female is the individual in the community whom the others follow and defer to."

Okay...so what does defer mean? From dictionary.com:

"To submit to the opinion, wishes, or decision of another through respect or in recognition of his or her authority, knowledge, or judgment."

" To commit or entrust to another."

Wowch. Thats a lot to take in.

So basically, the Alpha is someone who others follow. Someone that is trusted. Someone who's opinions (or beliefs) are so strong, that others will "submit" to it and take it in as reality.

Theres NOTHING in there are about walking around all macho and brash (although BEING macho and Brash is ONE way of getting others to follow you).
Are there other ways? Of course!

Ok, lets start with the basics. Getting others to trust you. Okay, first off, to gain trust, you gotta be honest. If you lie and someone sees through it, people will think twice before trusting you in the future. BAD. To put it in practical terms, never LIE. And never try to "hide" anything- your intentions, your beliefs, your opinions. Always let others know whats on your mind.

Okay, so now that you're honest, how can we get others to trust you? The next best thing to do is to start trusting yourself. Or to put it in other words- Be Confident. You can't expect others to trust you if you can't trust yourself. Simple as that.

Okay, next step. how do we get people to "submit to [your] opinion, wishes, or decision?"

This ones pretty simple really. Just have really really REALLY strong opinions wishes and decisions. This means you believe in your opinions and wishes 150%

This doesn't mean you have to FORCE these opinions and wishes onto others. If you believe it strong enough, you have no need to coerce people into your way of thinking.

For example, if you neighbour started believing you were an alien, what would be your most likely response?

You'd probably just chuckle at them and get on with life. You wouldn't start producing powerpoint presentations with the title "101 reasons why I am not an alien."

BUT, if someone started calling you stupid, you would fight against it and argue with it because on SOME level, you believe it to be true. You are not 150% CONFIDENT in your intelligence.

G'night.

The holy trinity

2006-04-18T19:03:00.000+08:00

Be confident and Positive

Be brutally honest about everything (especially your intentions)

Have fun!

Direct

2006-04-16T15:43:00.000+08:00

Direct Game

The spotlight of Direct Game shines on yourself- your inner world. Make no excuses. Don't hide anything. The essence of Direct game is to

Be your FUCKIN' SELF!!!

I guess its all about honesty. Being "honest" about your character, your intentions, your personality.

The single most important trait in Direct Game is Confidence

Confident in what?

Confident that the world loves you- even if someone rejects you.
Confident about your personality- you are you and you don't need to change your core personality for anyone or anything.
The belief that you are the SHIT- even though you aren't perfect (no one is).

But HOW do we achieve this confidence? Oh how oh how...

Through affirmations. At home and out. "He loves me. She loves me. The world loves me for who I am!"

Have something to be PROUD of. Work out and get bulging muscles. Study and be intelligent. Master a musical instrument. Get good at telling stories and having good conversations.

Smile and have fun. The only way to win at the game is not play it. Have fun and FUCK analysis. Love is the miracle cure.

Say no to being a pussy. From now on, men shall truly be a Man!

What is Freedom?

2006-04-15T16:05:00.000+08:00

"Freedom..."

It is to be the Person you've always wanted to be.

To be able to live life with minimum amounts of fear and maximum amounts of fun. To be able to do things that you've always wanted to but never could (e.g. parachuting out of a plane).

But in the end, the only way to suceed, the only way to live without fear, the only way to have fun, is to not THINK about it.

"The only way to win the game is to quit."

To be able to Just Be Yourself. To live in comfort knowing that most people love and accept you the way you are, while acknowledging that some people will NEVER like you no matter what you do. To be at peace with your self-image.

In the end, Freedom is to be able to love yourself.